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My horoscope was right today. All I have to say.
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I'm glad you made your friends your priority. |
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My first sleepless night in a while. So I decided to stop lying in bed and call my b/f. We had a mini fight...about what I'm not even sure anymore. No big deal. Then I had a noble intent to finish my Sci Tech paper but I decided to go on youtube for some reason and watch funny vids. Then I finished my Sci Tech kinda. Then laid with my eyes shut until I had to get up at 6:30 to fail at turning knobs at Rutgers Gardens. Then came back to the dorm at 8 passed out till 12 then woke up got ready for work. Showed up late to work and found that I had nothing to do at work. Bullshitted at work for about an hour. Took the bus to ENR got my swipey all certified. Then came back here to study math and got sooooooo tired so I turned on Pandora. Still sleepy but I am almost done with Sci Tech and math will come soon. I hope I pass. And I am not helping you anymore cuz thats the only reason you talk to me. You're on your own with her. I only care about her happiness so no more helping your overanalyzing mind. I can't wait to sleep tonight. As long as the sun isn't on !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Loralyn's party was fun...would have danced more but my back hurt. I almost cried when Loralyn started crying. You had to be heartless if yu didn't Fight, Fight, Hug, Eat, Fuck, Nervous (not jealous), Laugh, Night! |
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I have been really interested lately on the effects of birth control and I'm also kinda hoping that it will help me gain weight. I'm a little worried about the hormones because I am pretty emotional already but theres also another thing that interests me about birth control. Its the effect it can have on your boobs. So I read about it and its quite interesting... ( boobs ) Fav line: You may think that men always are drawn to breasts and want to "play" with breasts. But sexuality is NOT dependent on breasts. It is based on love, and that someone loves you, he's not bothered by lack of breast tissue.
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I hate life. It sucks. I hate prom shopping. I enrolled in Rutgers. I have so much homework. I hate life it sucks.
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Swickle will miss me...I hope to get a pic with him before the end of the year. But I will not miss Swickle for this project he is making us do and what I am avoiding doing right now. It's bullshit so I am giving him bullshit. I really would have loved to intereview the CEO. That would have been awesome.
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Not sure if I like me as a brunette yet....I've never been anything other than blonde and my mom won't talk to me and just stares at me....its kinda creepy.
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which usually happens after you leave. Christmas in 9 days ad we're just putting up the tree right now. Well its more like I'm in the general area and my parents are putting up the tree. But I'll help with the ornaments. Looking up Marfan Syndrome is kind of scary. All the symptoms are like bloody, or hearts or close-ups of eyes, or close-ups of bloody eyes and hearts. "girls give sex for love
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Take my hand lets go, Somewhere we can rest. We'll sit where it's warm, You say look we're here alone. Everything was so worthless, Yesterday I watched Virgin Suicides and it was nothing like I expected...there was really no explanation why they all killed themselves...kinda gay. Josh was good though...I wish someone would call me a stone cold fox. Practice makes perfect...I just want to make you happy.
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Its different. Totally different. You came over again last night and you dropped something...its so great to finally feel wanted after the whole hoebag experience. ( Asshole gave me a dirty look at the mall yesterday ...what I can't go to menlo????I haven't been there in ages but if I go there once I'm a loser I guess.) And that hoebag experience was just as horrible as the whole hoebag situation. It was nice to go home and then just cuddle with you on my couch...after hiding in the bathroom for like a half hour hahaha. less than 3 hahahahahahhahahahahhahahahaha
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Over react much? Now I know how I really feel
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I really think I'm going to cry when you figure this whole situtation out....am I doing this for you or for me? I really have no idea what I'm doing with you. But when you figure it out for me I'll for sure cry, because I think you'll see its more for you. I don't know. All I for sure know is that tomorrow...the sleepover with Ashey, Lisa ( Fulks) and Stef later will be cool. Yey for alchie! And before that mall with Mike. Yey for Dave/Dan and Gabe! And before that haircut at Bangles. Ahhh scary never been there before. Wish me luck Conquest? Yeah in my dreams but I'll still search
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Saints and Sinners actually happened for me on November 4th. It was awesome to say the least....even though I lost my shoe... and I missed Dance Gavin Dance and Envy on the Coast... and I almost missed FFTL. BUT I didn't miss FFTL and I ended up meeting Travis and Matt and I love them. Like seriously. I bought lots of merch and before hand I went to that piece of shit college. Sorry but it was just like my highschool. And now as we speak I am at Penn State University Park which has more people on campus than my city. Its crazy and I kind of love it. But I'm surprised on how seperated it is. I somehow got into this program for minorities to go to University Park, I'm still kind of confused how that happened...but anyway they quickly explained to me that everyone stays with their own. And when we went into the lunch room I totally saw it and I can't beleive it. Its just like home. Its not fair. But anyway lets talk about the Sinner part. When I was packing you came over and for once I was the one being all flirty and you were like PARENTS! Surprising. I wanted to be a sinner but you wouldn't let me. I'm sure that will change soon. You're gonna be the one who wants it. Anyways I'm off to a college party at Penn. Loving this college. Maybe I'll get some sin in today.I'm wondering who reads this besides Stephanie,theres still that unidentified person who commented the Denny entry. Confused. People speak up! I wanna know who reads this. I'd go the whole wide world just to find you
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Back from my night of lameness. It turned out to be nothing besides lame. On our way out Riss's car stalled and me and Steph started taking pix in the back of her broken down car. It was fun, then went to West and no one was there so we left and I was just fighting about tomorrow with my dad. Tomorrow is Saints and Sinners but it is also an open house for this college...that I kinda want to go to...but not really. So the college thing starts at 11:30...but I don't know when it ends...its supposed to end around 2 and thats when Saints and Sinners starts. I just want to go to see Dance Gavin Dance, Envy on the Coast and From First to Last. And of course they are all playing early. So my plan was to come back from the college thing and then go to Saints as soon as we get back. However my dad doesn't want to drive 3 hours to Conn and back then another two hours to Asbury and back. Which I can understand...so I offered to drive one way...and he laughed at me. Then I suggested that I should take a train but he refused to let his "16" year old daughter take a train by herself. I corrected him saying that I am 17 like that made that much of a difference. My dad was yelling that I am not interested in this college and the college that I am interested in isn't good because it is too big and I will only be a number to them!!! WHAT? Seriously wtf is he talking about?? Penn State is a good school, really good. Anywhere I go I'll just be a number. I'm applying to three schools. Each I have already done my application all I have to do is submit my personal essay which I will hopefully perfect by Monday so I can send them out like Thursday. I can understand not wanting to drive all those hours but theres nothing else I can do. Am I being selfish? If I could drive I would but I can't. Therefore I'm stuck depending on other people for the things I want. Its Travis's birthday today and I want to give him a card tomorrow, and I really want to hear their new songs. Plus NewYork couture will be there and hopefully we could discuss my prom dress idea. Thats only if I get there tomorrow. Argh ARGH! I hope I can go... I don't miss you I miss those times
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I pulled an all nighter from sunday to monday and its screwed up my whole sleep schduele. Not to mention my friend Dan loves to point out that I am doing brain damage everytime I don't get a good nights sleep. My dad even said "Hey your'e killing yourself." I laughed an was like you smoke so shut up. ( Halloween ) ( November 1st ) I miss you, come back soon.
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So it finally happened. You did do it already and it was strangely just like my dream. Except I didn't complain to my mother to make you stay longer and you weren't bald. Interesting though that you cut your hair. How all the answers could sometimes be in your dreams. I wasn't romanced and I think that was the point in this strange weekend of mine. The weekend prefaces a very stressful and event packed week. Oct 30th- Physics is due. Work. Mischief Night. Oct 31st-School. Trick or Treating. H/w. Nov 1st- Sandy Hook. Nov 2nd- My birthday! 17 bitches Nov 3rd- Moraine's last show : ( Nov 4th- West Conn Open House. Saints and Sinners. Nov 6th-7th- Sleeping over at Penn State? Nov 8th- Personal Statement for colleges needs to be done? There's no time for thinking about you...especially if your'e not thinking about me. I mean look at the schedule buddy! I never see you anymore anyway... why would you think about me?
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Overwhelmed much? Yes would be an undertstatment. School, work, finding a car, actually learning how to drive,homework, college and a social life are all whats on my plate. Math how I hate you so and Bio AP not such a good idea anymore, way too much work. My social life is basically at work right now...maybe thats not such a bad thing...wait yeah it is. Even if I do meet someone new...which is impossible in this state....I would never have time to spend with them. I hardly have time to spend with the friends I have now. Stressful times lie ahead. But once I get accepted to a college(fingers crossed) i can have fun again. Hopefully. I'm never getting attached to a boy. Not now anyways. Love in stage of my life seems impossible...how could I even comprehend that right now? So I won't get attached and won't let anyone in. Its safer this way... be hollow. I think I'm doing well so far. Every once and a while I slip and I feel it. Creeping in. Then I think of something else. It worked. But sooner or later it will come back. We'll see if I dream about it again tonight. It wasn't that serious yet I've only had one dream. As for the duo I only have one thing to say for you; "I don't understand your logic" wait I do so do it already
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So I hate it when everybody in my family needs to know every little flaw about me. And it hurts when its my dad and sister are the ones who HAVE to let everyone know. And they call me "she". And that "she" has a name. I wanted to scream when I got into work today because I'm sick of them talking about me. Its bad enough that I have other people talking about me...but my family too? I really don't know if I'm explaining this right
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cranky
amused
lazy
contemplative
quixotic
tired
crappy